By Nijiama Smalls, The Black Girl’s Guide to Healing Emotional Wounds
Consider this scenario:
Your partner says something off-putting to you at a party in front of your closest group of family or friends. While you know your partner loves you and would never intentionally harm you, you still feel frustrated, angry, and ashamed. Your disappointment manifests in a way that causes you to yell, belittle them, stomp off, curse them out, slam the door, or even give them the silent treatment for the remainder of the night. Have you ever done this? I certainly have. Whew!
To understand why you reacted this way we must look at this situation through the eyes of your inner child.
You realize your partner’s off-putting comments made you feel just as you did when your caregivers chastised you in front of friends and family with no regard for your feelings. Another option to consider is that this instance may also remind you of a time when you were bullied or teased in front of your peers as a kid.
Understand that when inner child wounds are poked or prodded, we return to the behavior of the wounded child that never healed. Realize that a mature and emotionally healthy adult has the ability to have a calm and polite conversation about an issue while a wounded inner child reacts and acts out causing further harm.
Trust me when I tell you I have been here. What truly helped me was writing a letter to my wounded inner child. The letter really helped me to understand and explain the circumstances of the distressing situation. For example, I realized that a childhood friend that teased me really didn’t have the verbiage to say that they admired the thing they were teasing me for. It also helped me to see that another childhood friend was holding a grudge about something I did that hurt them, and they never let it go so they treated me poorly.
A letter also helped me to see what my inner child needed from me in that season. For me, I needed reassurance. My inner child needed to know that everything worked out and I have used my wounds to not only help many others but to give my children all the love and support that I may not have received as a kid. It was truly all for a purpose.
