By Dr. Vangie Akridge
Licensed Educational Psychologist
Metro Educational Consulting and Psychological Services
The word arrest is most often associated in the African American community with a negative encounter with law enforcement. Images of involuntary and unwanted physical contact come to mind while one’s muscle memory envisions a motoric range of motion dictated by an external source. An arrest can also affiliated with the loss of familial connect, feelings of isolation and emotional states that present may as anger, but are likely far deeper than the eye can see.
The above description of arrest is what metaphorically occurs during the process of human development. The developmental tasks that every youth encounters during their adolescent years, at times, are internally involuntarily. As the biological chemicals are churning in their growing bodies, they have very little say about their emotions, thoughts and at times their actions. These internal feelings coupled with being subject to will and decisions of their parents and caregivers can be more than their cognition can handle.
As biology appears to arrest or capture children for moments and even years in time, parents are often filled with a sense of grief and loss. The child that they once knew, while physically is still present, is emotionally hidden. Parents grieve the absence of their familiar relationship and long to reconnect. While parents are able to rationalize that much of what they are experiencing is par to the course, their heart does not want to hear that. Though some parents work tirelessly to provide their children emotional/therapeutic support to get over this hump, others shy away from the daunting task and leave their teens to figure out life and the whirlwind of their emotions by themselves. So instead of having one individual in the parent child hurting, both parent and child find themselves trying to function while being under the arrest of unpleasant emotions.
History, biology and even evolution have shown us for centuries that as the body and brain mature emotions are likely to rise and fall, why tackle this challenge solo? Being lone ranger in any struggle is not in the best interest of anyone. Make the first step and call in the cavalry. You, your child and your relationship are worth it!
